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The Brame-y Bunch: 4 a.m.

Gloria: (attempting in vain to dislodge poodle from ass) Damn. This poodle is heavier than water. She's 20 pounds of pressure per inch. No wonder I wake up in the morning at the edge of the bed.

Will: Trust me, I know.

Gloria: How does she do that in her sleep? It's like she's being sucked by horizontal gravity.

Will: It's called the Coriolis Effect

Gloria: .....

Will: That's the physical phenomenon.

Gloria: For a minute I thought you said the Coriolanus effect.

Will: .....

Gloria: That's the Shakespearean play.

Categories: Autobiographical Urges Pets and Animal Love
Posted on 7/22/2008 3:27:28 AM by Gloria Brame

FOUND: a message from Mother Nature

(psssst, quick! someone call the Christian Right! Not only is Mother Nature a pagan, she's a pornographer!)

And now, with serious apologies to Joyce Kilmer, ...

I think that I shall never see
a fuck-you finger on a tree.
A tree whose droughty roots despair
that anyone will give it care.
A tree that looks at men all day
and curses at them, "Go away!"
A tree that may in seasons wear
birdshit and garbage in its hair.
Upon whose branches smog has lain.
Who rightfully fears acid rain.
Bad verse is writ by twits like me.
But Nature made this fuck-you tree.

Categories: Pleasures of the Garden Sexual Humor
Posted on 7/22/2008 3:26:29 AM by Gloria Brame

A fishy new pedicure

Wow, I love this. I would definitely let little fishies nibble my toes. I'm guessing they munch up callouses? Anyone know?

I've heard of this fish helping people with psoriasis, but didn't know they helped healthy skin. Too cute.

Tracy Roberts, 33, of Rockville, Md. has her toes nibbled on by a type of carp called garra rufa, or doctor fish, during a fish pedicure treatment at Yvonne Hair and Nails salon in Alexandria, Va. on Thursday July 17, 2008.

So if you're a foot fetishist who's wondered "if I was reincarnated, what animal would I like to be?" the doctor fish could just be a perfect choice!

Categories: Pets and Animal Love Sexual Beauty
Posted on 7/22/2008 3:25:31 AM by Gloria Brame

Flash from the past: the titty wins

OMG. An actual breath of sanity from the federal courts.

(Thanks to nightheron for this)

Court tosses FCC 'wardrobe malfunction' fine

A federal appeals court on Monday threw out a $550,000 indecency fine against CBS Corp. for the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show that ended with Janet Jackson's breast-baring "wardrobe malfunction."

The three-judge panel of the 3rd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that the Federal Communications Commission "acted arbitrarily and capriciously" in issuing the fine for the fleeting image of nudity.

Categories: Sex and Culture Sex Laws and Crimes
Posted on 7/22/2008 3:24:32 AM by Gloria Brame

Religious Right maintains right to bully

Priceless. Religious right groups will stand up to vehemently protest a plastic doll in fishnet stockings...but when it comes to children getting assaulted and harassed by bullies...ehhh...nahhhh.

And what is their reasoning for shooting down a law to protect children? Because some victims might be gay and these paragons of morality don't want THEIR rights protected. Nope, the Religious Right wants to preserve their kids' freedom to beat the shit out of anyone they don't like.

N. Carolina bullying ban dies in committee

North Carolina legislation protecting schoolchildren from bullying died Thursday in committee, Raleigh's News & Observer reported.

"The failure of this bill to pass . . . sends a bad message," state Sen. Doug Berger told the Observer.

Ya reckon? Give that man the Understatement of the Year Award.

The controversy that prevented the bill from passing surrounded the addition of "sexual orientation" as a reason a student may face discrimination or bullying, the Observer reported.

The Christian Action League and the North Carolina Family Policy Council objected, saying that LGBT groups would use the bill as leverage for other rights legislation.

These bastards have the hair to call themselves a "Family Policy Council." Talk about hypocrisy.

So let me ask: When hate is a family value, is that family Christian?

(I hope some of you progressive/liberal Christians who read here will opine.)

Categories: Sex and Spirituality Sexual Politics
Posted on 7/21/2008 4:59:29 AM by Gloria Brame

SM Barbie

On the off-chance you haven't yet seen this story (currently running all over the blogosphere....)

from Perez Hilton (who also added the "HO" to her jacket).

Introducing: Slutty Barbie

Looks like the people at Mattel are receiving some major backlash!

The toy makers have created a new Barbie doll which many are describing as the S&M Barbie.

The doll comes with black fishnet stockings, a black leotard, gloves, and boots.

S&M Barbie is being modeled after DC comic superhero Black Canary.

The Black Canary Barbie doll is scheduled to be released in September, but we'll see if that goes as planned.

Some are just outraged like the religious group Christian Voice, which said, “Barbie has always been on the tarty side and this is taking it too far. A children’s doll in sexually suggestive clothing is irresponsible – it’s filth.”

Love that quote from a group on the religious right...particularly in light of the next post I'm going to get up on the blog.

Categories: Post-Modern Pop Culture Sex and Culture Sex and Sadomasochism Sexual Politics
Posted on 7/21/2008 4:58:32 AM by Gloria Brame

Spunky hair bobs

According to Snopes, the rumor China is recycling Condom into hair bands is true. Great idea on principle: save the planet and tie up your hair.

However they note that they can't yet determine if another rumor whether or not some of those recycled condoms were USED. Ew. Another reason to buy American.

Categories: Post-Modern Pop Culture Sex and Culture Sexual Health Sexual Strangeness
Posted on 7/21/2008 4:57:35 AM by Gloria Brame

My dinner date last weekend

I blogged about the divine dinner at Eugene's in Atlanta last weekend -- what I didn't mention is that I'd gone to Atlanta for the pleasure of meeting the super-sexy, talented Tim Woodward, publisher/founder of Skin Two magazine, who was in town, hosting parties. Just found this lovely bit on youtube featuring Tim talking about the Max Mosley scandal.

Check out some other free SkinTwo films on youtube

Love you, Tim!

Category: Sex and Sadomasochism
Posted on 7/19/2008 10:53:36 AM by Gloria Brame

Favorite photo find of the week

Categories: Sex and Sadomasochism Sexual Beauty
Posted on 7/19/2008 10:52:39 AM by Gloria Brame

How NOT to get a girl

Wear this t-shirt

Category: Sexual Humor
Posted on 7/19/2008 10:51:40 AM by Gloria Brame

Aussie shrink's bad bad BDSM therapy

We all know BDSM can be therapeutic.

But confusing BDSM *for* therapy or using it as a form of psychological therapy is always an unmitigated disaster.

This story about an Australian therapist who tried to treat a client's bulimia with BDSM is incredible. He was awfully lucky to be acquitted with all that evidence.

Bondage psych fights bid to discipline him

A former Fremantle psychologist who used bondage and discipline role-playing to treat a 22-year-old bulimic woman has been ordered to see a psychiatrist after arguing he should not face disciplinary proceedings because he had post traumatic stress disorder since being cleared of sexually assaulting the client.

Bruce Alistair Beaton was acquitted last year of unlawful and indecent assault, and aggravated sexual penetration of the young woman, who also claimed the psychologist whipped her with a homemade cat-o’-nine-tails while treating her between January and March 2005.

During Mr Beaton’s highly publicised trial, the District Court was shown hidden camera recordings in which the then-64-year-old called the woman his “submissive”, describing her as “delicious” and telling her he was going to “enjoy” her and “have a taste” of her. The woman, who wore a dog collar in the footage, was told to “kneel” before reading an oath pledging her body and mind to her “master”.

He told the court he had tried common methods to treat bulimia before deciding to work towards BDSM (bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism).

Mr Beaton was cleared of the sex and assault charges but convicted of contempt for failing to name in court the colleague who advised him on treating clients with violent sexual tendencies.

What's even richer is that he is now claiming to be the victim here -- by pursuing charges against him, they've caused him PTSD. Talk about NOT taking responsibility!

Categories: Sex and Sadomasochism Sex Laws and Crimes
Posted on 7/18/2008 1:57:18 PM by Gloria Brame

The messy subject of outing

I guess it's understandable that curious fans would google a hunky local celebrity. A little less understandable is the excitement it's created on some blogs. What exactly is the value of revealing this morsel -- except, I guess, to create gossip and to salivate a bit, like "woo-hoo, I saw your weenie on the screenie!" In the great wide world of things-we-need-to-know about people -- is this one of them?

Being a (former) porn star hardly is in conflict with either becoming a cop or having a talent for design. But this is precisely the reason why a lot of BDSMers stay in the closet: fear that if their sexual identities are revealed, they'll be punished or mocked in the court of popular opinion. That fear drives a lot of people not just to hide in the closet but to lock and soundproof the door.

What do you think? Knowing he had a porn past, should this hunkalicious design maven have been forthcoming about it? Is there some expectation in vanilla-land that you have to get a bona fide G-rated stamp before you're allowed to tell people which lamp looks best in the living room?

from the Dallas Voice:

Something tells me that we haven’t seen the last of Mikey Verdugo or “Mikey V.,” the studly police officer who competed on “Design Star: Nashville.”

Arguably this season’s sexiest contestant, Verdugo stopped many hearts whenever he appeared onscreen. Fans’ searches on the Internet led to an Oct. 18, 2007 BrowardPalmBeach.com article about Verdugo’s phenomenal success as a rookie detective and the difficulties he faced coming out as a gay cop.

But this week, porn bloggers made a positive identification. It looks like Verdugo had another screen credit under his belt — as “Jeremy Wess,” star of “Rope Rituals” and “Classics Vol. 2” ($59.99). Tom “Ropes” McGurk, who’s known as the “king of reality hardcore bondage,” made both videos.

Porn star to Design Star

Categories: Post-Traumatic Tabloid Disorder Sex and Culture
Posted on 7/18/2008 1:56:21 PM by Gloria Brame

Rainbow-colored traffic lights

I had no idea that driving while gay is a crime in Italy.

Fortunately, Italian courts agree that it isn't.

Thanks to Mike for the link to this bizarre story.

Italian wins damages over gay driving test retake

An Italian court has ruled the government must pay 100,000 euros (79,981 pounds) in damages to a man who was told to retake a driving test because he was homosexual.

When 26 year-old Danilo Giuffrida told doctors he was gay at his medical examination for military service, they passed the information to the transport ministry, who told him he must repeat his driving test or have his licence withdrawn due to his "sexual identity disturbance."

Giuffrida agreed to re-take his test, passed it for a second time, but the ministry renewed his licence for just one year rather than the usual 10 years because of his homosexuality.

Categories: Sex and Culture Sex Laws and Crimes
Posted on 7/18/2008 1:55:23 PM by Gloria Brame

BDSM Quote of the Day

From an interview with British playwright, Simon Stephens, about redefining pornography

We live today in a world where the impersonal practice of sex – formerly an intimate matter – is betrayed by the very commonalities of spoken language. The ‘money shot’ is a phrase used across the culture to describe any climactic moment. Many people profess themselves baffled by the age of the abbreviation and acronym when you mention the G8 and CAP, but all of them smile knowingly at the letters BDSM.

Link

Category: Sex and Culture
Posted on 7/17/2008 5:02:41 PM by Gloria Brame

Penis takes the stage in Saratoga Springs

I can see the letter of apology now.

"Dear Saratoga Springs,

Sorry I acted like such a dick."

Judge: NY man in offensive costume must apologize

A judge has ordered a 19-year-old man to write an apology to a the city of Saratoga Springs in New York for dressing in an offensive costume at a high school graduation.

Calvin Morett had pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct for dressing in a 6-foot penis costume at the graduation at the Saratoga Performing Arts Center. A video of his visit last month has appeared on YouTube.

And here it is:

Categories: Sex and Culture Sex Laws and Crimes
Posted on 7/17/2008 5:01:44 PM by Gloria Brame

Found: Miss Bunny's potty-mouth

From Miss Bunny, this smart little pair of (re-designed) fuck-you shoes. I'm assuming it's sort of a post-modern feminist statement against fuck-me shoes. If not, Miss Bunny really needs to work on her anger management issues.

Categories: Post-Modern Pop Culture Sexual Humor
Posted on 7/16/2008 8:28:01 PM by Gloria Brame

Once a Dick....

I don't know what's more disturbing here: his bizarre antics or his mugshot. He looks like a cross between Charles Manson and Howdy Doody.

Here's Howdy:

Here's Charlie:

Here's Andy:

And here's the story:

Police were called to the Buffalo Wild Wings in Murrieta at about 1:13 a.m. to investigate a report of "an intoxicated male" urinating outside the bar and causing a disturbance, according to a police statement.

When they arrived, a 17-year-old girl told police that she was outside when Dick left the bar, walked up, "grabbed her tank top and bra and pulled them down and exposed her breasts," the statement said.

Marijuana and the drug xanax were found his pants pockets during a search and he appeared "extremely intoxicated," police said.

Comedian Andy Dick arrested in drug, sex cases

Sounds like a real pearl of a guy. And proving yet again that celebs get special treatment, this isn't the first time he's done stuff that would brand most people as sex criminals.

Dick has a reputation for crude behavior. He has been reported to have exposed himself to audiences at least twice. He was forcibly removed from the set of the show "Jimmy Kimmel Live" last year after he repeatedly touched guest Ivanka Trump without her permission.

Also last year, Dick was cited in Columbus, Ohio, for urinating on the sidewalk. A comedy club owner in the city said the actor also made inappropriate comments while onstage, groped patrons, took women into the men's room and urinated on the floor and on at least one person.

Categories: Post-Traumatic Tabloid Disorder Sex Laws and Crimes
Posted on 7/16/2008 8:27:03 PM by Gloria Brame

Wishful thinking cocks

People ask me sometimes, "gee, Gloria, how do you find all the crap you find for the blog??" and, honestly, half the time I don't remember. Sometimes I follow links that lead to links that take me to links. More often, I'll type random words into search engines like google, or on ebay, and see what pops up. For example, I typed the word "cock" into eBay the other day to see what might, erm, pop up. So to speak.

Among other things, I found this book. What ever was its author (a poet) thinking??

I checked it out on Amazon too, where a peek inside yielded only some very sober, tasteful poetry.

Funnier, though, was the wishful thinking on the part of the person selling

Cock and balls or bowling cookie cutter new Strike !

It is, of course, a bowling pin with *a* ball -- though I'm sure the vendor is hoping to expand the market but suggesting you could bake your own erotic cookies (if your guests don't mind a cookie that will remind them of someone's testicular cancer surgery....)

Category: Sexual Humor
Posted on 7/16/2008 8:26:05 PM by Gloria Brame

FOUND: Shoe-in's

Category: Sex and Arts
Posted on 7/15/2008 9:40:32 PM by Gloria Brame

FOUND: lots of shit on eBay

Click here and you'll see...

--------

Inspired by 10 Misspelled and Bizarre eBay Auctions

Category: Sexual Humor
Posted on 7/15/2008 9:39:34 PM by Gloria Brame

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