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Sex Diary

Regret

Never phone someone when you’re drunk, they say. This is because, invariably, you’ll say something you’ll regret. Like, for example, that the receiver of the call, is your best friend ever and that even though when sober, you could take or leave their acquaintance, at 3am, when inebriated, they’re suddenly the best thing in your life. Or, possibly, you feel compelled to grovel at your exes’ feet,

Posted on 10/6/2006 5:28:31 AM by thegirl

Injuries

Sex injuries recently sustained: A dislocated shoulder (obtained through twisted positioning of our bodies)Grazes on my elbow (from propping myself up on one arm)Bruising on my knees (being clumsy means I knock against everything)Cramp in my calf muscle (enthusiastically pulling his arse in towards me with my feet has its disadvantages)A stiff neck (lack of sleep meant plenty of tossing and

Posted on 10/6/2006 5:27:32 AM by thegirl

T-minus 28

Things I always wanted to do and ended up doing: 1. Have anal sex 2. Sleep with a woman 3. Have a threesome with a man and a woman Things I have never done but would like to do: 1. Have a threesome with two men 2. Go to a fetish club Things I never thought I would do but will do soon: 1. Participate in a book signing Yes, that's right, me, in the flesh, signing copies of my book and finally

Posted on 10/6/2006 5:26:33 AM by thegirl

Delete

My phone beeped. With my landline phone against one ear, I glanced over at my mobile’s screen. When I saw who the text message was from, I froze. “Mum, I’m going to have to call you back.” “Why?” “Something’s come up.” I put down the handset and looked at my mobile, my heart pounding. Perhaps if I just delete the text, then I can ignore it. I pushed the phone to one side and paused. Then I

Posted on 10/6/2006 5:25:35 AM by thegirl

Sharon Osbourne

Just over a month ago, I was outed by the press. No longer anonymous, my real identity was thrust – unwanted – into the limelight; I felt completely exposed and so, hid myself away, both figuratively and literally, to protect my privacy. Fast forward to now. Whilst I’m emotionally still trying to get to grips with this whole experience, I’m also feeling stronger; I have more resolve; I have

Posted on 10/6/2006 5:24:36 AM by thegirl

Pictured

Women across the world have one thing in common. I’m not referring to our inequality, lower pay, or oppression, though obviously these permeate most of our lives, regardless of our geographic location, social class or cultural background. No, what I am talking about is this: if a woman has had erotic photographs taken of her by a sexual partner, these will, at some point appear on the internet –

Posted on 6/29/2006 9:16:24 AM by thegirl

Book

Regular readers may have noticed my writing being somewhat sporadic on the blog over the last few months; that I have been posting infrequently and then, only briefly. This is because, for the last eight months I have been extremely busy working - four months of which, were consecutive 7-day, 100-hour weeks. Let's just say I barely even had time to fiddle - which for me, says a lot. What is it

Posted on 6/24/2006 6:04:58 AM by thegirl

Abstinence

Being in hospital recently, made me recall an episode some time ago when I almost had an orgasm as a doctor examined me. It was seven or eight years ago and I was going through a period of abstinence from sex. I know, girl with a one-track mind, trying to be celibate: ironic to say the least. But at the time, I was really fed up with men. I was disappointed with my single status and annoyed by

Posted on 6/23/2006 6:06:02 AM by thegirl

Rules

Rules for summer men: Wash your armpits and wear anti-perspirant deodorant. Stinking out a tube carriage in summer does not make you a man; it makes you a selfish arsehole. Wear a t-shirt. As much as I may like your bare chest to fondle whilst in bed, showing your nipples on the underground is too much even for me.Don’t wear socks with sandals. Just don’t. Unless you plan on being celibate for

Posted on 6/20/2006 6:17:56 AM by thegirl

Fucked

I was really looking forward to getting fucked last night. Granted, I would not have been able to get pummelled as hard as I might like (and need, given my current horniness) due to my recent hospital stay, but with some decent sex on the cards, I was pretty excited about finally getting a good shag – even if it was going to have to be slow and gentle. So I left the house yesterday fully

Posted on 6/17/2006 6:59:50 AM by thegirl

Hospital

Pros and cons of being admitted to hospital: Pros: Being looked after, cared for, and felt up all over by the extraordinarily handsome, kind and hardworking Accident E department before eventually seeing a doctor and given painkillersGetting painfully poked, prodded and internally examined by complete strangersBeing unable to sleep due to my discomfort and the noise on the ward Getting visited

Posted on 6/12/2006 6:27:43 AM by thegirl

Indirect

‘There are two types of the men in the world’ I said assuredly, as I picked up my martini glass. ‘And which might those be?’ K replied, sipping her mojito. I took a long gulp. ‘Those who haven’t found the clitoris; and those who have’. K laughed and placed her glass back on the table. ‘Very true’. ‘Thankfully’, I continued, somewhat drunkenly, ‘the former is in the minority – it’s been quite

Posted on 6/7/2006 1:29:53 AM by thegirl

Untoward

He pulled me up over him and lifting my dress, discovered I wasn’t wearing any underwear. This made him beam at me and pulling me closer, he pressed his erection firmly against my groin. Pleased at the result, I reminded myself to forget to wear knickers more frequently – I rather do like to feel a breeze in between my legs. Plus, of course, I would save a fortune in lingerie costs. We ground

Posted on 6/5/2006 1:25:04 AM by thegirl

Eating in

Want to know about threesomes, sex parties and open relationships? Then read what my mate Lex has to say - I couldn't agree with him more: 'It’s a queer reversal of our culture’s conventional wisdom: sex with your partner is supposed to get boring, to the point where you go into therapy or else buy marital aids to spice up your sex play, to the point where you have to train yourself to avert your

Posted on 6/2/2006 1:47:37 AM by thegirl

Oiled-up

I've got loads to do tomorrow and should be in bed now, but have just spent the last 45 minutes eagerly glued to the comedian Rob Newman. Sadly not in the flesh, just on my computer - which, like me, is all hot and bothered now. This is less to do with Rob being devilishly handsome, fantastically intelligent and extremely hilarious, and more to do with the fact that this is just fucking brilliant

Posted on 5/31/2006 7:06:49 PM by thegirl

Runoff

Dear man in my local pub's beer-garden, Yes, you. The one who stared at me as I jogged past where you were seated yesterday. Please don't take it personally that I didn't stop to chat to you: I had my reasons. Admittedly, you were very handsome; being deliciously 'ripe' in your mid-thirties and having soft hair sexily speckled with grey. As our eyes met, I immediately imagined what you might

Posted on 5/28/2006 7:27:54 PM by thegirl

Cartoon

A personalised instant doodle for me, courtesy of the brilliant Tony Husband. Somehow I managed to drunkenly photograph it using my mobile phone: I'm amazed how clear it looks, considering how many whiskies I had ingested, and the fact that my phone is held together by gaffer tape. I love that this is immortalised forever, on a pub wall somewhere in London. Thanks Tony!

Posted on 5/28/2006 7:26:55 PM by thegirl

Casual

‘So you’re OK with us just being casual’ I said as I took a big gulp of ‘instant’ coffee. not something I would ever drink, the cheap bitterness soured my mouth as I swallowed, and I struggled not to spit it out. He nodded at me. ‘Yeah, it’s fine. That’s all I was looking for anyway.’ I felt like I had to drive the point home – just in case. ‘Great. But I just want to make sure we’re both on the

Posted on 5/28/2006 7:25:55 PM by thegirl

Bugger

Not that sort. (Sadly) A short list of recent disappointments: 1. I was so ill on holiday, an emergency doctor had to be called out at 4am to stick agonising injections in my arse to help with the fever and pain. (Insert pun about being jabbed with a prick here). 2. I am still on antibiotics from said illness and feel run-down. 3. I now have a painful period, am in a shit mood and have a heap of

Posted on 5/23/2006 11:12:17 AM by thegirl

Wordsmith

Words excite me. They really do. Show me a man who has a way with words and you’ll find me with very wet pants. It’s the best aphrodisiac, in my opinion; forget good looks or a trim physique – find me a wordsmith any day and I’ll be a happy woman. I don’t refer to a man’s ability to be talkative; that is something completely different. Rather, someone who knows how to be a linguist; who can use

Posted on 5/17/2006 8:45:28 AM by thegirl

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